Why Have I Been Feeling Lonely
Recently, I’ve been having dreams of being alone, being oppressed and in terms of the things I once did well, but could no longer do. In my dreams, I kept finding people to help me. But I couldn’t reach the people. There was this one night I kept saying in my dreams, “I cannot already, I cannot already.” And I woke up in the midst of saying it out loud. These dreams came with such strong emotions and fear. And I started to wonder if this was revealing my hidden insecurities, so deep within that I didn’t know were there. I used to have similar dreams in the past. But it kept happening recently.
And lately, I started to recognise that whenever I’m at my grandpa’s place (usually stay there for a few days and we just spend the day watching tv), there’s just so much urge to get out of the house and to be with people.
And it’s weird because the more I feel these urges, the more I go out to be alone. To just go for night walks, suppers, to spend time with God. So I know it’s not because I’m lacking self-care at the moment. But this feeling continues to linger, and I don’t know why.
It’s painful for once to really think through why this is happening and not know the answer to it. I don’t know if this is adulting or what. Do I have too much free time? Have I been placing so much emphasis on doing things that I can’t stop to be alone with my grandpa? Or you know, have I not been spending enough time with people throughout the week?
I’m not so sure anymore. Any advice?
